Dance Class

Dance Class“Hey,” I said, “How was your day?” I was talking to Eli after school. He was nine.

“Oh it was fine.”

“Tell me about it”.

“Well I had PE and Health for specials.”

“And what did you do?”

“In PE we played Dunk and that was very fun but Health was boring.”

“Why was health boring?”

“Talk talk talk”

“Who did all the talking?”

“Mr. G. He teaches Health and all he does is talk.”

“What did he talk about?”

“The name game or something. You know Mr G teaches PE which is the funnest class and he teaches Health which is the most boring.”

“What else did you do today?”

“Oh just the regular stuff.”

“Who did you have lunch with today?”

“How did you know about that?”

“About lunch?”

“About having lunch with Erin.”

“You had lunch with Erin?

“Yes I did.”

“How did that go?”


“How did it happen I thought all the boys sat at the Boy Table and all the girls sat at the Girl Table.”

“You see Dad his year there are three tables and they are sort of in a row.”

“And who sits at the tables?”

“Well at the first one it is all the boys. And at the last one it is all girls.”

“What about the middle one?”

“Well some days it is all boys and some days it is all girls.”

“Well were did you sit with Erin?”

“At the middle table.”

“I thought that was either all boys or all girls.”

“Well today it was seriously different. Cause all these girls were there but then Erin and Juliette got me in a power grip and wouldn’t let me go and they made me and Oscar go over to the middle table.”

“It sounds like Erin likes you. Do you like her?”


“Seriously. Have you told her that you like her?

“Dad you seriously can’t tell anybody that you like someone. That’s why I am keeping it under the rug. I have just a got a foot out.’

“I don’t know that that’s true.

“Dad. You are a lawyer. You have got a way to keep yourself covered. I am seriously just an 9 year old kid with a couple of funny jokes.”

*                      *                      *

“So how was your day?”


“What did you do?”

“Not much.”

“Didn’t you have dance class today?”


“Wasn’t it your first day of dance class?”



“It was fine.”

“Fine?  Come on.  First day of ballroom dancing when you are a third grader has to inspire more than just ‘it was fine.’ Tell me about it. What happened?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, were you dressed right?”

“Dad, I was dressed like every other kid.  Every kid was dressed exactly the same.”

“How were they dressed?”

“Dad, they were wearing blue jackets and they had pants on.”

“Well what kind of pants?”

“Khakis Dad, they had khakis on.”

“Well how about shoes.”

“They all had shoes on too.”

“And ties?”

“Yup.  Everyone had ties, though some of the kids had the cool kind that clips on.  I really want one of those.”

“And so did you dance with anybody?”

“Dad, it was dance class.  I was there to dance.”

“Well who did you dance with.”

“Lots of people, I don’t remember their names.”

“Well do you remember anybody’s name?”


“Louisa Thomas!!!  You danced with Louisa Thomas”?


“Well how was that?”

“Dad, it was fine.”

“Come on, admit you enjoyed it.”

“Yes.  I enjoyed it.  I had a good time.”

“Well you don’t sound like it.”

“Well I did.”

“Did you ask any girls to dance?”

“Yes Dad, I asked girls to dance.”

“Who did you ask to dance?”

“I don’t remember their names”

“Well how did you decide who to ask to dance?”

“I just went over and asked them to dance”

“Did you dance with Letty?”


“How come you didn’t dance with Letty.”

“I didn’t ask her.”

“How come?”

“Dad, there were about twice as many girls as boys in the class.  I couldn’t ask every one to dance.”

“Were any of your friends there?”


“How about John Cain, was John there?”

“Yes, John was there.”

“Did he have a good time?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t talk to him.”

“Why didn’t you talk to your pal John Cain?”

“I was too busy dancing with Louisa.”

“I think Louisa likes you.”


“She told her Mom that you’re cute.”

“I’m glad about that.”

“Do you like her?”

“She is fine.”

“Well, does that about sum up the dance class situation?”


*          *          *

“How was school?”

“School was fine.”

“What happened in school?”

“Well, I found this note in my desk.”

“What did it say?”

“It said, “You are a jerk’.”

“It said you are a jerk?”

“And then it said, ‘Stop liking me, butthead’.”

“It said you are a butthead?”

“That’s what it said Dad, and then it said, ‘You should like Jessie, I don’t like you’.”

“Who sent that note to you?”

“Well that’s just the thing Dad, it was signed Eliza, but it wasn’t Eliza.”

“Well who was it?”

“I don’t know, and then it said, ‘Jerk. Butthead’.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry about that.  Did it make you feel bad.”

“Not really.”

“Did you show it to the teacher?”

“Yes I did.”

“What did she say.”

“She asked the class if anybody sent it to me.”

“Did anyone say they did?”

“No, no one did.”

“How do you know it wasn’t Eliza?”

“I asked Eliza and she said she didn’t send it.”

“Who do you think did send it.”

“Well, I was saying it in my head and it sounded like something that Juliette might say.”

“Juliette? I thought Juliette liked you.”

“Not any more.”

“She says you are a jerk and a butthead?”

“Dad she says even worse.”

“You know what I think, I think Jessie sent it.”

“No, Jessie didn’t send it.”

“I bet she did.”

“Dad, it says right on it, ‘You should like Jessie’.  Jessie wouldn’t send that.”

“ I have to tell you that third grade is certainly more complicated that it was when I was in school.”

“Lucky you made it out in time.”

“Yes.  I certainly am lucky.”

*                      *                      *

“So how was school today?”

“It was fine. Say Dad guess what?”


“I found a note in my bookbag today.”

“Oh no, what did this one say.”

“It said, ‘Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m sorry I sent that note to you.”

“Who sent you this note?”

“Jessie sent it.”

“Well do you know it was Jessie or was it somebody who just put Jessie’s name on it?”

“No it was Jessie.”

“Well how do you know it was Jessie?”

“Because I think she and the teacher had a discussion.”

“Well why do you say that”

“Because my teacher came up to me and asked me if I had got a friendly note. That’s what she called it. A ‘friendly note’. ”

“So you think that Jessie and your teacher had a little chat?”


“Are you happy that you are not being called a jerk and butthead.”

“Well, Dad.  Juliette says even worse.”

“You better tell her you won’t dance with her.”

“I can’t dance with her anymore.”

“Why not.”

“Cause of Louisa.”

“What does Louisa have to do with this?”

“Seriously, Dad.  Do you want Louisa to call me a jerk and butthead?”

“No.  I wouldn’t want that.”

“Dad, you are lucky you don’t go to dance class.”

“You are so right. So right.”

–       Jay Duret