The Official Rules of Shotgun

The Official Rules of Shotgun

“Jay Boy, what are the official rules of Shotgun?”


“You know. What are the rules about when you can call Shotgun?”

“Is this something about Ajax and Emmy?”


“And you driving them to school this morning – thank you by the way – was there some friction?”


“I don’t think I knew there were “official” rules.”

“Come on Jay Boy. There have to be official rules. People have been playing Shotgun for a million years.”

“What do you think they are?”

“You obviously have to yell ‘shotgun'”.

“I agree.”

“And you have to be able to sit in the front seat.”

“How does that come up?”

“You can’t get Shotgun if you aren’t old enough to sit in the front seat cause of the airbag.”

“Oh, I get it. So, for example, the driver can’t yell Shotgun.”

“Right. And the person who gets Shotgun can make a deal to give to someone else, but only the person who gets Shotgun.”

“I am not following you.”

“So if Emmy gets Shotgun, she could give it to Ajax if she wants, but Ajax can’t just say he gets it.”

“That seems pretty obvious. Though it must piss off Ajax cause he is older and he likes to say the older kid gets to pick his seat.”


“So is that it? Any more rules?”

“You have to be able to see the car when you yell Shotgun, right?”

“We have always played it that way.”

“So can you see it through glass?”

“What do you mean?”

“So we were in the kitchen and I said it was time to leave and Ajax yelled ‘Shotgun’ but Emmy said it didn’t count because he couldn’t see the car. So Ajax dashed downstairs to get out on the street first.”

“What did Emmy do?”

“She walked over to the window, looked down on the street and yelled Shotgun before Ajax got out of the house.”

“I see. What did Ajax do?”

“He started screaming that Emmy’s Shotgun didn’t count cause she was inside and she could only see the car through the window and that didn’t count.”

“So what did you say?”

“I said that Emmy was right.”

“How did that play?”

“Not very well. Ajax freaked out. He said he would never ride in the car with Emmy again and he should get Shotgun because he was older and Emmy cheated and you can’t call Shotgun through the glass cause that wasn’t in the Official Rules….”

“I get the picture.”

“So did you tell him to walk?”

“I did. But he refused. He should I drive him and then come back after and get Emmy.”

“I am guessing you didn’t agree to that.”

“I didn’t, but then Marty got involved cause she couldn’t stand all the screaming and she said she would drive him and that kind of calmed things down for a couple of minutes.”


“But I could tell that she didn’t really want to drive him and she expected me to drive him but thought he might drop the issue if he calmed down.”

“How’d that work?”

“Well he calmed down and so about five minutes later I asked him if he wanted a ride and he said he did, as long as he could have Shotgun.”

“Surprise, surprise.”

“That really pissed Marty off. And so we had a bunch of screaming.”

“So what happened?”

Ending 1:

“I told him he should walk..”

“And did he?”

No, cause Emmy said she didn’t care about Shotgun and if it meant so much to him he could have it…”

“Did that shame him into sitting in the back?”

“Nope. He rode to school like he was a king.”


Ending 2:

“I told him he should walk.”

“And did he?”

“He did.  Yelling all the way that he was getting screwed.”


Ending 3:

I told him he should walk.”

“And did he?”

“No, he started to freak out and then Marty screamed ‘Stop it!’ and she drove him, totally pissed off all the way.”


“Ending 4:

“I told him he should walk.”

“And did he?”

‘No he refused.”

“How could he refuse. He has to go to school.”

“He said he didn’t have to cause I didn’t play Shotgun by the Official Rules and I cheated him.”

“What did you do?”

“I drove him just to shut him up.”